I’m the kind of political junkie who seeks out a diversity of opinions and ideological outlooks in the content I consume. My YouTube algorithm swings wildly across the political spectrum and in their degrees of professionalism. This tableau of new media grifters, missing link journalists, podcast clips, and C-SPAN highlights sometimes gives me whiplash as it takes me from languid committee hearings where nothing of value occurs to the latest episode of a podcast like the dirtbag leftists “Chapo’s Trap House.”

For the first time since I started listening to “Chapo’s,” they drifted away from their snarking cynical stoner Marxist hot takes about the latest entry in the Endless Present and brought the topic of conversation closer to home. Sure, it was at the tail end of a discussion about the emerging GOP presidential primary hopefuls, but even they couldn’t help but bring up our Governor of Indeterminate Wealth, even if it was to mock how lame and retrograde his campaign is presenting itself to be after his announcement in Fargo on Wednesday.

After first introducing him incorrectly as, “North Dakota Gov. Doug Burzum,” the hosts would go on to point out the obvious mountains in the way of his ascendency and compared “Burzum” to the 2012 campaign by current Utah Sen. Mitt Romney, which is to say, “isn’t the chamber of commerce great?” What can I say — they’re Patreon Marxist millionaires.

The Chapo’s boys would riff on our poor governor for a few more minutes, poking fun at the delayed adoption of culture and values in rural communities, and the reality that the only way “Burzum” has a chance of winning is by murdering Mike Pence and stashing his body in the family grain elevator in Arthur.

However, what had me cracking up was their constant and almost deliberate failure to get the governor’s last name right. “Burzum,” not Burgum, was an example of the collective unconscious that drives memetics. The Chapo’s boys thought they were being clever, but somebody had already beaten them to that joke.

“Burzum” is a word from the black speech of J.R.R. Tolkien’s legendarium “The Lord of the Rings” which means “darkness,” and it was used as the name for one of the seminal Norwegian black metal bands founded by convicted murderer Varg Vikernes. It also is the name of a public figure on Facebook, which was created in parody of Burgum when he made his surprise run at the statehouse in 2016 known as “Doug Burzum.”

The display picture for the page is a photoshop of Burgum with death metal face makeup added on, with a deep-fried cover photo declaring “I SHALL CLEANSE MYSELF IN A DELUGE OF BLOOD…THE BLOOD OF THE WEAK…THE BLOOD OF THE HOMELESS!”

More than a little edgy and gonzo, this page has provided satirical and absurdist commentary on our technocrat governor, hitting its peak during his daily press briefings during the COVID lockdown era. Some posts, it goes without saying, are explicit and unfit for public consumption, like one that details the location and activities of the fabled “Good Old Boys Club” that our governor is accused of joining. Others are just dopey and silly, like the one from Dec. 16, 2016, showing a meme image of Burgum meeting vice president-elect Mike Pence where Pence tells him to “get out of my face, computer geek.”

“Lord Burzum” gave an interview to the Red River Creatives Collective publication, “The Northern Mirror,” back in the fall of 2021, with all his replies delivered in his signature terse all-capped pitch-black screeds. The conversation ranged from proclamations about spraying the blood of his enemies over the Badlands with an industrial power washer, his desire to extend his dominion beyond the stars and describing taxes as blood sacrifices to the false gods of power in Washington. This might explain his decision to hit the campaign trail.

The latest posts leading up to the Burgum’s actual announcement have really set the tone:

“I WILL BE NEARING A DECISION SOON ON MY RUN FROM PRESIDENT! DARKNESS WILL SPREAD ACROSS THE LAND,” Burzum said in a post from late May. “THE SKY TURNS BLACK! CHILDREN SCREAM! SOON I WILL EXTEND MY POWER BEYOND THE DARK LANDS OF DAKOTA TO COVER THE WHOLE OF THE EARTH! VOTE DOUG BURZUM 2024!”

Unfortunately, since then, the page has gone silent, even after the much-ballyhooed announcement at the Sanctuary Event Center. I can only hope that the Chapo’s boys become aware of who the real “Doug Burzum” really is, because let me tell you if they had him on, they’d have quite the conversation.

I reached out to the individual I knew to be the operator of the page and the person behind the persona of “Doug Burzum,” but they responded back initially with confusion, which itself may just be a part of the kayfabe behind it all.

“I’m flattered. I’m afraid I cannot give much more information about the whereabouts of Lord Burzum,” the individual replied, after I provided more context for my queries.

I think it is safe to say that the actual Doug Burgum campaign will not be associating itself with the humble memer behind the account. But I know I and the nearly one thousand followers of the page are waiting with bated breath for the next pronouncement from our chthonic lord and savior. Anyone interested in joining Lord Burzum’s campaign as a volunteer or intern is invited to apply; that is, if they don’t have an aversion to being dunked in a vat of acid.