My only sibling died this summer. She had cancer. Over the last year (since her diagnosis), I have learned a lot of “life lessons.” I hope you can benefit from my experience as well as the related research on these topics.

Lesson One: Pay attention to your body and tell others when things seem amiss. My sister should still be here. She did not know a key piece of growing older as a woman. She did not know that spotting after menopause is a sign to seek immediate medical attention. I knew this, but she did not share her information until it was too late.

Lesson Two: Share stories with one another. Write them down. Record them if possible. Invite friends and other family members to share their stories with your loved one. Laughter is great therapy for all involved.

Lesson Three: Discuss and write down important financial information EARLY. I say this because medications, chemotherapies and radiation can lead to lapses in memory. The cancer patient simply cannot remember all the details they once knew. NDSU Extension has a publication to help with this task titled Inventory of Important Papers; it can be found at: www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/fammgmt/fe446.pdf

Lesson Four: Put in writing last wishes or medical/health care advanced directives. This legal document spells out what medical treatment a person does or does not want if s/he should become unable to make these decisions on their own. The document also includes who s/he designates as her/his health care power of attorney; this person speaks on behalf of the patient when s/he is incapacitated. North Dakota has a form available to help you get started with your personal health care directive. It can be found at https://www.honoringchoicesnd.org/directives/ On a personal note, my sister and I discussed this topic not too long after her diagnosis. I printed the document and gave it to her to complete. Unfortunately, she did not finish it. The life lesson I learned is to be sure this is completed and witnessed/notarized; it can be changed, but not completing the document makes it invalid.

Lesson Five: My sister suffered from depression for many years. She was not treated for this disease until the last year of her life. I mourn the many years she could have enjoyed life. The disease kept her from fully functioning and interacting with the world (and people) around her. If you know someone who is battling this disease, encourage them to seek help. Share the 2-1-1 phone number with them; these calls go directly to a person who can listen or do a referral. You might also take the person to a first appointment with a physician or mental health provider; taking that first step is sometimes difficult. Having support can make all the difference.

Lesson Six: Perhaps one of the most difficult life lessons I have learned in the last year is people tend to avoid spending time with those suffering from a terminal illness. Often, friends and family are not sure what to say to the dying person. They think they may say something wrong or they themselves are uncomfortable with the idea of death. The downside of this situation is the loneliness of the dying. Many terminally ill patients are afraid and want to talk to people about their thoughts and feelings regarding their condition. They are looking for comfort and support. On the other hand, they may not reach out to others for many reasons, including depression, insecurities, or effects of medications.

Thus, the onus is placed on family and friends to be there for the terminally ill person. I write this not to lay guilt, but to raise awareness. A family friend called this to my attention during my sister’s illness; I can honestly say I had not considered this tendency, but watched it happen several times in the last year.

Lesson Seven: Finally, grant those who are grieving grace. Even though I have experienced deaths of other close family members, each grieving process is unique. Sometimes we move through grief relatively quickly and sometimes it takes months, even years.

Thank you for “listening.” I hope my experiences may be of help to others.