In recent years, you may have heard the phrase “helicopter parent.” From preschool all the way up to college, helicopter parents are causing problems. We say that helicopter parents are hurting education and making professionals want to quit. But what is a helicopter parent? Is it a parent who is protecting his child? Isn’t that the job of the parent? Do parents not have a right to be involved in the education of their children? Then what’s so wrong with being a helicopter parent? It is my contention that a parent is not called to be a helicopter parent, but rather an advocate parent for their children.

The largest difference between a helicopter and an advocate is that the helicopter is always on the attack, whereas the advocate is always on support. Helicopter parents are always watching for threats and often perceive one when there is no threat. A helicopter parent has the fundamental belief that the education system is out to destroy their child. When a helicopter sees a threat, it attacks that threat with weapons loaded. The given assumption by helicopters is that the child is totally in the right and the opposition is totally in the wrong. While this sounds like parents are doing what they are supposed to do for their child, in the process they end up ignoring the thing that really matters seeing their child grow and develop. Though they may be acting out of the best of intentions, they end up teaching their children that they are always right and the world is always wrong. They build a sense of entitlement in their child. This leads to more and more confrontations, more and more attacks, and, eventually, exhausted helicopter parents and exhausted educators.

This is the opposite of an advocate parent. The advocate supports his child. The advocate is concerned about what is best for his child emotionally, educationally and personally. The advocate is not looking out for attackers because he wants to build a strength in his child so that the child can confront issues. When an issue does arise, advocates do not go into attack mode, but rather they go into solution mode. By this I mean that they want to solve the issue that has arisen and find the best outcome for their child. The advocate recognizes that issues are multi-sided and that his child may be in the wrong. Advocates push their children to work harder. In this way, they build their children to be accepting of their shortcomings but willing to build upon them and work hard to become the best person they can be. The child learns to confront issues and come up with solutions that work for all parties. The child is empowered.

To illustrate the difference, let us assume that a child has failed to turn in his homework. He goes to school the next day and the teacher refuses to accept a late assignment. When the child goes home that night, the child tells the parent, who is upset at the inflexibility of the teacher. The parent resolves to speak with the teacher. The helicopter is in instant attack mode. When the helicopter arrives at school, he confronts the teacher: “Why won’t you accept this assignment? My child worked hard on this and you better take it and grade it. If you do not, I’m going to the principal! This is unacceptable and ridiculous!” The advocate calls the teacher and sets up a meeting. When the advocate arrives at school, he confronts the teacher: “Thanks for meeting with us. I understand that you are not accepting this assignment? May I ask why? What can my child do to receive a grade for this?”

The difference is obvious. The helicopter is on the attack and leaves no room for the teacher to have a real conversation. The advocate understands that there is an issue and it needs to be resolved. The advocate wants what’s best for his child and an acceptable solution. A conversation with the teacher is open and nobody feels under attack.

I encourage you to be an advocate parent. Advocates create an atmosphere of openness and understanding. Remember that there are people on both sides of every issue. By teaching our children to confront issues in this manner, we help them become understanding and empathetic people who will see success.

(Jacob Jenkins is a teacher at Minot Public Schools – Central High School. He holds a B.S. in English Education, a B.A. in Theatre Arts, an M.A. in English, an M.A. in Secondary Educational Leadership, and is currently working on completing his Ph.D. in Educational Leadership K-12 through the University of North Dakota. The views and opinions expressed in this column do not represent the views and opinions of Minot Public Schools or of the Minot Daily News. If you would like to ask questions, suggest a topic to write on, or to contact Jacob Jenkins, please email him at: jjenkins@minotdailynews.com)