A line from one of Tyler Perry’s plays that has always stuck with me is when the brassy matriarch Madea says that the 50s are the hardest decade of many people’s lives due to caring for aging parents. In a brief moment of poignant reflection, Madea, whom Perry portrays with a feisty, down-home Southern wit, says that parents often become ill and incapacitated when their children approach middle age, resulting in a “traffic jam of life” in which work and home schedules must be altered and significant decisions must be made. I was well under 50 when I saw this performance, but I took these words to heart.

Research from the Population Reference Bureau shows that the number of elderly Americans being cared for by family members “grew by 32%, increasing from 18.2 million to 24.1 million between 2011 and 2022.” Older people are living longer, particularly those in the baby boomer generation. My mother, who was blessed to celebrate her 85th birthday in June, is classified as a member of the Silent Generation, those born between 1928 and 1945. Silents have often been characterized as strong-willed, resourceful and dependable due to growing up during World War II, and the older cohort witnessed their parents being frugal while going through the Great Depression. My mother has shared with me how my grandmother was very prudent with her finances during these years, and even more so after my grandfather passed away in 1943. My mother was raised to be God-fearing and respectful, and she was pushed to excel in school, becoming the third person in our immediate family to graduate from college. She would spend over 30 years teaching in Athens, Georgia, first instructing high school courses in business writing and later ending her career in adult education.

In a Mother’s Day column last year, I touched on some of the challenges I faced as I entered my personal “traffic jam of life” in caring for my mom. Now that she has been living with me for almost two years, I’ve been thinking more about a very precious gift that God has given us both: time. Before Mom came to Ohio, much of my attention was focused on work deadlines, and I often found myself in an around-the-clock rush to meet them. Whether it was grading student essays or writing my weekly column, I always felt that I never had enough time to get everything done. I was also rushing a lot in my ministry responsibilities for church. While I regularly attended Bible study and Sunday morning worship services, I was barely squeezing out time to learn new music on the piano for the praise team, and I was severely lacking in my private time to meditate on God’s Word, neglecting the spiritual sustenance I needed. As I made adjustments to my schedule to accommodate Mom’s medical needs, God was showing me that I actually needed to slow down, and having Mom with me forced me to do so. It wasn’t just slowing down to take care of her, but I also needed to slow down to take better care of myself. I couldn’t skip meals anymore and work nonstop, as Mom needed to eat and take her medication. I had to take time to prepare meals and learn to cook new entrees, such as baked salmon, a dish that is still a work in progress. In taking Mom to her physical therapy, she is now enrolled in a silver sneakers class,I also realized that I was going to have to carve out more time for my exercise to maintain my physical strength.

With the time that God has now graciously given me with my mother, I am reminded of 2 Peter 1:3, which says that “according to his divine power,” God has given us “all things that pertain unto life and godliness.” Everything that I will need throughout my lifetime has already been provided by Him, so I no longer have to remain in a hectic traffic jam during this season.