All the good Trump has done

Recently, a friend noted, “You seem to absolutely hate Trump…”

Hate is such a strong word. Heck, I love the president. In the way I love having a skunk in the garage. Sure, it’s not much fun while it’s happening, but it’s great when he leaves. Hating the president would be like hating America, but I’m so patriotic, I’m planting soybeans in my flower pots this spring just so I can take one for the team.

Then my friend asked me to consider everything Trump has done for America. Uh, well, there’s the way he brings people together. Tiki torch sales are strong.

And don’t forget the tax cuts. According to the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, the middle one-fifth of wage earners got a tax cut of $1,090. If you deduct the $830 Trade War Tax on American families, you still have $260 left — 71 cents a day. Yay.

Ah, but isn’t median income up? Yes. An astounding 1.8 percent in 2017 alone according to the U.S. Census Bureau! But not as astounding as the two previous years under Barack Obama — 3.2 percent in 2016 and 5.2 percent in 2015.

So Trump’s managed to give the top 1 percent an average $62,000 tax break while only cutting the rate of median wage growth by 44 percent. Certainly true patriots will accept Medicare and Social Security cuts to defray the resulting record trillion dollar deficit. It’s the Art of the Steal.

But you can’t argue that unemployment isn’t at a 50-year low, right? I mean, who knows more about hiring people than Donald Trump? He knows less about actually paying them, but it’s a start. Trump’s recorded remarkable 3.1 percent job growth! Almost as remarkable as Obama’s 11.6 percent job growth after the Bush Recession bottomed out in 2009. Still, all things considered, if there’s a president worth hating, Obama should be the one for not getting the car out of the ditch quickly enough. Yet, to the best of my recollection, the opposition graciously took the high road and just called him a Frenemy of the People. Because it would be unpatriotic to hate the president.

Then there’s Trump’s signature issue — border security, which we all agree is necessary to keep American-born Anglo-Saxon tomato pickers in business. In March, border crossings hit a 13-year-high. Now, you might think that’s a bad thing — that it suggests the administration’s sheer incompetence. You couldn’t be more wronger. The reason refugees are pouring in is because Donald Trump’s stable geniusing has made America so great, everyone wants to live here. Unless you’re transgender. Or Canadian.

The good news is Trump wants to hand Dickinson’s Fisher Industries the contract to build the wall. However, Fisher’s design was rejected by the Deep Swamp for not meeting specifications, so now Fisher’s suing we the people. Tommy Fisher is Sen. Kevin Cramer’s pal, so really, why should an actual bid process get in the way of having a generous political donor build a better obstacle course? No bids worked out great for Halliburton. For taxpayers, less so. This time, though, you won’t be on the hook. Mexico’s paying for it. Just like China’s paying for the tariffs.

How can you not love that?