Global warming will have numerous effects on the American economy. For one thing, it will destroy the long underwear market.

Our country finally decided that might was not right. But we didn’t decide that until we had taken all of the land owned by Indians. In some ways, we still think a little might is handy.

New science tells us that the earth is millions of years old, much more than calculated by Anglican Bishop James Ussher in 1650. He missed by 20 million years. Since then bishops have been doing better. Neither twine nor haywire are not used in their calculations anymore.

In eternity by the time you smell smoke it will be too late to repent.

I intend to be cremated when I die. I have outlived everyone my age so my family won’t find enough friends to be the pallbearers. It is not only more convenient but cheaper as well. Might as well go out as a cheap skate.

One advantage of old age is that all of the ladies look younger. But then it doesn’t make much difference any more.

In case you haven’t been paying attention, our lieutenant governor is not the one we elected last time around. I know that it is a boring job but it has good fringe benefits and a stool in the Capitol coffee shop.

Life may be boring but it gives you something to do until something better comes along. But don’t bet your life on it.

The only goal for most lieutenant governors is to outmaneuver others for the governorship. In fact, they are the only people reading the first edition of newspapers at 5:15 A.M. to see the news.

Their expectations are dashed when they find out that more attorneys general are elected governor than are lieutenant governors.

What’s nice about the job is that you are close enough to the fire to warm your hands but far away enough to avoid being burned.

People are mad about the mess in Washington. It’s a mess of their own making because they elected the new politicians who don’t know that their job is to negotiate and compromise. Listening for common ground will get only dirty ears.

The Teddy Roosevelt National Library will be built near Medora for something like $30,000,000. Talk about stealing somebody’s thunder. Even so, a second spot is being saved elsewhere in North Dakota just in case.

Cognitive flexibility is a fancy way of saying that you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.