Committee looks for ND’s moral core

As the members of the Homeland Security Committee filed into the community hall, Chairperson Ork Dorken pounded his Coke bottle on a hollow core door to get control of the melee.

“Meeting will come to order – I hope – so we can hear Little Jimmy give us his reason for this special meeting,” Ork announced.

Little Jimmy was the only one in town who had a computer so he was taking courses online while his folks were off looking for gold at Sutter’s Mill in California.

Little Jimmy stood up and started to explain why this meeting was important to the community.

“Our moral core disappeared when the United Believers Church closed 11 years ago and we have been cut adrift with no man or woman of the cloth coming forward to do missionary work among us.”

“I don’t know as that has affected our morals,” said Orville Jordan, the retired depot agent, who stayed in town because living was so cheap.

“We don’t know that,” Jimmy responded. “The other day I was on Facebook and they were looking for North Dakota’s moral core, which they haven’t found yet.”

“Are people in North Dakota without some moral core – something I don’t understand anyway. Moral core! What’s a moral core?” quizzed Dorff Warott.

“Well, I enrolled in the Doctor of Divinity program with the UpYonder Institute and my main job is to define North Dakota’s moral core” Jimmy concluded.

“What do you want us to do – become moral?” Einar Torvald asked with a smirk. The idea stung Einar because everybody knew he spent more time in Ben’s Beverage Bar than repairing cars in his garage.

“When I was growing up, my parents said that being moral is no dancing, no drinking, no smoking, and no everything else that makes you worldly,” Dorff inserted.

“Good grief! What did you do for fun?” asked Orville.

“There was only one option left and I’m not going to walk into that subject, no sirree,” Dorff responded. “Most of us just had more kids than we needed.”

“I been around a long time,” Old Sievert offered. “I don’t think North Dakota is less moral or more moral than South Dakota or Montana. Just count the inmates in the penitentiary. Then you’ll have the facts.”

“That wouldn’t be any good,” challenged Dorsey Crank. “Maybe South Dakota and Montana would have a lot more people who should be in jail but they just don’t arrest as many as North Dakota.”

“Look!” Madeleine Morgan, the newcomer from Billings announced. “I was Deputy Sheriff in Fulton County and we enforced morals as much as we could.”

“Which morals did you enforce?” asked Holger Danske as he shifted his chair to avoid the glaring sun.

“We were against kids spinning their wheels on main street; we didn’t allow fights outside the bars; we were against needless drunkenness and we frowned on stealing other people’s stuff,” she replied.

“Did you allow coveting or adultery or any of those historic sins mentioned by the Ten Commandments?” asked Pearl Erfald.

At the mention of the Ten Commandments, Jimmy shot to his feet.

“Maybe the moral core in North Dakota is related to the Ten Commandments,” Jimmy ventured.

“Well, they’re certainly worth looking at,” agreed Old Sievert.

“We don’t have time today – the carrots are still in the field – so we should have a committee study the Commandments and tell us which ones fit our community,” suggested Dorff.

Suddenly, Chairperson Ork banged his Coke bottle and took charge.

“I will appoint a committee to check out the Ten Commandments and report back,” he promised.

Heading for the gardens, the town electors assumed the meeting was adjourned and rushed out before Ork could announce adjournment.


Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *

Starting at $4.62/week.

Subscribe Today