The critical cynic creates new proverbs

“Give attention to my wisdom.

“Incline your ear to my understanding.”

(Proverbs 5:1)

(It really starts with “Sons, give attention…” but that is intolerably sexist today.)

With that bit of good advice, we are going to contemporize the Book of Proverbs with a few updates of wisdom and understanding.

Politicians are hypocrites because the people are hypocrites.

In sermons, length is not a substitute for content.

The globe is warming whether we have marshmallows or not.

What was moral in the Old Testament was made immoral in the New Testament.

God created two equal souls but religious men chose to demean one.

For the atheist and the agnostic the cost of discipleship is too high.

The Old Testament rule about tithing 10 percent is a copout for the rich and extortion for the poor.

There are days when God may think He saved eight people too many in Noah’s big flood.

White Butte is what is left over from the Tower of Babel.

To be a Christian, we are supposed to get the job description from the Bible and not one we tailor ourselves.

Teach not the predestination of Calvin and practice the free will of Arminianism.

The Pilgrims celebrated the founding of our nation by murdering the Pequot nation for their land.

What the present culture calls same-sex marriage the Bible calls adultery.

It is amazing the large number of people who know so much about spirituality in the U. S. Constitution have never read Madison’s notes, the Federalist Papers or the minutes of the convention.

Roger Williams was kicked out by the Pilgrims for promoting freedom of religion.

Compromise is a Biblical principle established by the Apostle Paul.

We tolerate God for one hour a week and He tolerates us the other 167.

The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. (James & Hebrews)

The Pilgrims came to America to worship God as they pleased and make everybody else do the same. (Anonymous)

The average Christian gives four percent toward the 10 percent tithe and charges the other six percent for the paper work.

Modern Christians have trouble putting together a Christian life style because they seldom read the instructions.

God is forgiving; we’re banking on it.

Unbelievers have a canny gift for recognizing hypocrites.

Twenty-two percent of the people don’t believe in God; however, in the hospital intensive care unit that goes down to three per cent.

If we can’t stand God for more than one hour a week what will we do in Heaven where He will be in our faces 24 hours a day. (That will be Hell for some.)

For every politician who has demonstrated a Christ-like behavior there are ten who have demeaned the Gospel by claiming to be Christians.

Modern Christians strongly support the greed principle of unfettered capitalism.

If Jesus really has our hearts, we will give Him our money.

How Greater Thou Art.

If we could comprehend God, He wouldn’t be God.

That’s all the wisdom and understanding we can handle at one time.