For progressive columnists, it’s the Dog Days of August. I know technically it’s September, but I’ve never hit a deadline in my life.

The problem is I’m exhausted. Back when No Drama Obama was president, conservative columnists had it made. He spaced his scandals out. Sure, there was the tan suit, the time he took our guns, and all that golfing, but there was time in-between for eschatological contemplation, plenty of time to settle in and read a good thesaurus.

However, with this guy, it’s like the circus coming to town every day. Clowns to the right of me, jokers to the further right… and you can only eat so much cotton candy.

Trump’s managerial style reminds me of a preschool soccer match. There’s a lot going on; it’s just hard to tell what it is. One minute he’s trying to buy Greenland, the next he’s telling corporations how to do business. You know, controlling the means of production, which under a Democratic administration, would be socialism.

The unabashed support of the bashed remains puzzling, but a prominent unindicted Republican explained to me recently just why he and the debased are sticking with the president, and basically it comes down to one sentence. “He’s a street fighter.” Of course. Who doesn’t remember the way he kicked Putin’s patoot in Helsinki, how he stormed the beaches of Studio 54 during the Tet Offensive?

Now, Trump’s heroically defending the beaches of Florida with just a 7-iron and his wits, so essentially, unarmed. He canceled his trip to Poland, mostly because he hates not being the smartest one in the room, but also to do some storm chasing in a golf cart. Why haven’t we nuked that hurricane yet? I know people say it’s a bad idea, but has Los Alamos ever had a hurricane? I rest my case.

In a related story, Trump wants to let Russia back into the Cat 5, if there even is such a thing.

Admittedly, it’s not a complete cakewalk for conservative columnists in North Dakota. There are only so many times you can write about Heidi Heitkamp — theoretically — but if ever there were a time, this is it. I don’t think we can ignore Heidi’s spirited defense of North Dakota on Real Time with Bill Maher the other night. She stormed the beaches of HBO in a white pantsuit (possibly to troll Kevin Cramer) but in her defense, it was before Labor Day.

Maher, who reviles the electoral college as much as Rob Port despises North Dakota colleges, said we don’t deserve to have the two senators we’ve got. Under present circumstances, a fair point, but Heidi defended the Senate as a counterbalance to radical legislation that can sometimes emerge from the House. For instance, Moscow Mitch is currently defending Americans against election security measures and prescription drug price controls. Heidi was smart, charming, funny, and on point, which is why she’s hopelessly unelectable in North Dakota.

Meanwhile, when it comes to electability on the national scene, Republicans — you know, values voters — were horrified when Joe Biden mixed up a story about military heroism, because, God knows, we can’t have a liar in the White House. Republicans want a man with convictions in Washington.

That could happen.