Everything’s just fine with our gun laws, thank you

I realize it’s too soon to talk about the Virginia Beach killings. Everyone knows we need to have a waiting period before we discuss gun deaths in America. People should respect the sanctity of death — even those of government workers. They’re all we’ve got until school shooting season reopens in August.

I hate to pull you away from your well-regulated militia, but we can’t stand idly by while people use their 1st Amendment rights to justify attacks on our 2nd Amendment right to die in a hail of bullets.

The first step to solving a problem is to recognize that there is no problem. The Virginia Beach gunman lawfully purchased his Colt .45 semi-automatics, 30-round magazines and suppressor. Those folks got shot down fair and square, proving once and for all, there’s nothing we can do about it so we shouldn’t even try.

I suppose some might argue that the shooter’s aggressive and unstable behavior was a red flag that would’ve triggered a suspension of his gun rights under the Red Flag Bill that Virginia legislators shot down in January.

Fortunately, thoughts and prayers prevailed in North Dakota, too. Despite the support of misguided do-gooders like Fargo Police Chief David Todd, West Fargo Police Chief Heith Janke and Senate Majority Leader Rich Wardner, the Red Flag Bill was narrowly defeated 76-17 in the House. Now domestic violence victims can dutifully resume watching their meth-addled ex-spouses circling the block.

Cops undergo psychological testing to evaluate judgment, impulse control and the ability to handle stress before they’re armed, but that doesn’t mean average gun-totin’ citizens should meet similar standards. This is ‘Murica. Where at least I know I’m free to dodge sniper bullets at a Lee Greenwood concert.

Other snowflakes say we should regulate guns, because they’re specifically designed to kill things, the same way we regulate automobiles, which unintentionally kill deer. Must I remind everyone that cars and guns don’t kill people? Just don’t text and shoot.

But with Medicare For All coming, insurance companies are going to need something to do. Drivers are required to have liability insurance, so maybe we ought to let free market insurers assess the risk of that Berkowitz kid who talks to dogs. I’m not saying he shouldn’t get a gun, I’m just saying he should pay a higher premium.

Some extremists believe gun magazine capacity should be limited, too, on the grounds that if they can’t hit you with 10 shots, it’s God’s will that you live. It’s quite the slippery slope we’re on. In March, Obama and the Deep Swamp snatched away our bump stocks right under Trump’s nose. What’s next — silencers and our bombs bursting in air? At this rate, our well-organized militias will be back to muskets just like they were when the Constitution was written.

The fact is, when it comes to measles and guns, more is better. Although even the trained officer on duty during the Parkland shooting failed to intervene, the good-guy-with-a-gun concept remains as valid as it’s always been. We just need gooder good guys. There’s a little Dirty Harry in everyone.

Until the shooting starts.

Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.