I’m not sure if we’re evolving or in decline.

In Pierre, S.D., where they’re aggressively vying for the title of “Dumbest Dakota,” Gov. Kristie Noem vetoed what she apparently views as recreational hemp. She did sign a bill mandating that “In God We Trust” be displayed in schools. You’ll want the Lord’s protection because stressed, underpaid teachers going through a bad breakup are allowed to carry guns in school. She also signed a bill allowing firearms at the capitol.

Now, that’s commitment to principle. Your move, North Dakota.

I swear North Dakota’s becoming Kentucky. Only with more teeth. Swap out the accordions for banjos and we’re doppelgangers. But even in Kentucky, there’s evidence of evolution. Last month, lawmakers finally limited sex to the same species. So no more dogs and cats living together. On the downside, the Kentucky Headhunters are still at large.

Meanwhile, in Bismarck, Rep. Kim Koppelman, R-West Fargo, remains puzzled by the mysterious appearance of an amendment to SB 2158 that would have allowed parental rights to someone who raped their spouse. I haven’t read it, but I’m guessing it includes the verbiage, “What did she expect, dressed like that?”

Apparently, in a “partisan” effort to sabotage Koppelman’s progressive reputation, someone faked a recording of him offering the “Some Rape is OK Amendment.” I don’t think we can rest until the villain who filed this amendment is brought to justice.

How bad was this idea? So bad that my colleague Rob Port actually criticized a Republican. In that spirit of bipartisanship, let me say now, Heidi Heitkamp is bad.Then, on April 1 (so it might be a trick), the Senate barely defeated, 24-23, an effort to un-ratify the Equal Rights Amendment, thereby solidifying their commitment to staying firmly grounded in 1975. Or as Republicans like to call it, “the future.” Linda Thorson, state director for Concerned Women for America, is concerned. She fears this new-fangled ERA thing will lead to a “genderless agenda.” I don’t know what that means, but it sounds bad. It could lead to dogs and cats pooping in the wrong flower beds.

Sen. Janne Myrdal, R-Pluto (Okay, Edinburg), who’s on a mission from God, believes equality is a slippery slope that will lead straight to–you guessed it–abortion. You’ll run out of ink trying to connect those dots. When she’s done in politics, Myrdal has a bright future operating mall kiosks selling chastity belts and indulgences.

Sen. Robert Erbele, R-Lehr, one of seven men (and no women) who sponsored the resolution, wrote a response to one suffragette’s objections. He used the medically-precise term “plumbing” before concluding, “Do what you want within the abilities and graces God has given you but don’t demand it because you are mad you’re not a man.”

Yes, penis envy is real, but it’s typically isolated to men. Maybe Bob’s a caveman–he runs a nice herd of wooly mammoths near Lehr–but he did apologize.

Rep. Chuck Damschen, R-Hamden, another sponsor, denied the resolution was influenced by an outside group like ALEC, a Koch Brothers front feeding Republicans boilerplate legislation. Translation: In North Dakota, we’re independent, adventurous thinkers. Hold our beer.

Tony Bender writes an exclusive weekly column for Forum News Service.