Antlers locked in Anamoose
Community holds mock wedding for Ana and Joe MooseBy KIM FUNDINGSLAND, Staff Writer, kfundingsland@minotdailynews.com
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ANAMOOSE Normally, if a wedding guest whispered to the new bride that she looked like a moose, the guest could expect to get more than his or her share of wedding cake. And quite quickly too. But, there wasn't much at all normal in this McHenry County community when Ana and Joe Moose joined hooves for what the minister of the blessed ceremony called "miserable mooseness-ness."
The purpose of the anything-but-sacred event was to tie the knot, or rather lock the antlers, of Joe and Ana. Joe, you see, has long graced the entrance sign to Anamoose and become the official town symbol of sorts. Certain residents of Anamoose had determined a single moose just wasn't quite the proper identity for the town and set about the sensitive business of finding a bride for Joe. Ana, a somewhat ungainly creature in the eyes of the wedding guests, but apparently not for lonely Joe, was discovered living nearby and the union was completed in the Anamoose City Park on Saturday afternoon with Maury Becker, Anamoose, acting as warden er "minister."
After thanking the very large gathering for attending one of the strangest events ever held in a public forum within the state's borders, Becker informed all that he would soon be joining Joe and Ana "in an estate of continual turmoil." When he arrived at the point of the ceremony where, quite properly, he asked, "Is there anyone here who objects to the inhumane treatment of animals, speak now?" There were several uncharacteristic shouts from wedding guests whose previous demeanor reflected nothing more than the normal courtesy reserved for such hallowed occasions.
"He's mine!" bellowed one teary-eyed lady near the front who sounded very moose-like.
Scarcely had supportive friends arrived in her time of emotional terror when another loud voice blurted out, "She promised to marry me!"
Noting the distraught appearance of those voicing the objections to the completion of the ceremony, "minister" Becker asked, "Is there a vet in the house?"
With the exception of general finger pointing and gagging at the overall appearance of the hideous and completely unappealing wedding party, the remainder of the blessed event went off without a hitch. No. They were hitched. Yes, Joe and Ana were officially joined at the antlers when "minister" Becker finally declared them "miserable mates." Now both moose have been assigned the important responsibility of gracing the city sign.
"This was a lot more fun than I thought it would be," said Becker while the happy moose couple cut the wedding cake and handed out moose droppings. "I had a little apprehension about doing something a little odd. There was some pre-game jitters. I was just floored when I got here and saw all the people."
When asked if there would be any baptisms coming up, Becker replied, "You never know, but the minister never asks those questions."
For a while it appeared that the entire event might have to be called off or, perhaps, moved to a nearby barbecue pit. Curtis Hase, a moose hunter from Anamoose, made his way through the crowded city park with unknown intentions.
"I brought my gun," remarked Hase. "I was hoping to fill my tag."
Hase was persuaded not to do so, mostly influenced by the fact that his wife was the ringbearer for the unlovely affair. With the moose hunter removed from the aisle, order was restored much to the pleasure of Danelle Olson, pastor of United Community Baptist Church of Anamoose.
"I lost the bet. That's why I'm here," laughed Olson. "Really, you've got to have a little fun and live a little. It's a silly event but, you know, sometimes you've got to act a little silly to keep your sanity in life. I got a few giggles out of the wedding."
Olson served as master of ceremonies for the afternoon festivities that included several speakers and music provided by the Anamoose Men's Centennial Group. Proceeds from the event went to the Anamoose endowment fund.
LeRoy Becker, Anamoose, who served as the very unappealing but hideous bridesmaid, summed up the spoof.
"It was a lot of fun and for a good cause to help the community," explained LeRoy Becker. "But I just couldn't do a thing with my hair today!"
