TV is the new reading

How original: Both of Comedy Central’s new ‘original’ series are knockoffs

“You’re no Chuck Barris.”

When Dave Attell took the stage as host of Comedy Central’s “The Gong Show,” that was the review he faced as he was, himself, gonged by a man in a beaver suit, who I still suspect was comedian Colin Quinn.

Barris made his name as the host of the original Gong Show, the 1970s televised “talent” competition in which a panel of celebrity judges sat in stern judgment over a seemingly endless stream of juggling acts, song stylings, comedians, magic acts and general silliness that defied category.

Behind them was the true star of the show: a gigantic gong. As the panel of judges wearied of whatever “entertainment” was playing out in front of them, any one judge – or, occasionally, all three – could strike the gong and put a stop to it. If no one did, the contestant was eligible for the grand prize, which was a few hundred bucks.

‘The Gong Show’

Attell serves to host the re-imagined date with destiny. Contestants vie for a prize of $600 in wrinkly $100 bills wadded up in Attell’s pocket, a Gong Show prize belt, and whatever shred of dignity they manage to retain from their 15 seconds of “fame.”

Any of the “celebrity” judges – who are clearly chosen by a rigorous selection process that includes owning a phone and possibly an answering machine – can gong the sometimes horrifying acts at any time and put them out of our misery.

Sometimes they don’t, and on those occasions, the judges score the contestants. The one with the top score at the end of the show wins.

‘Reality Bites’

Comedians also figure prominently in “Reality Bites,” a seriously tongue-in-cheek game show in which contestants – comedians I’ve never heard of – live together in a house and emulate the kinds of challenges seen on current reality shows including “Rock of Love” and “Big Brother” and “The Biggest Loser.” They are kicked out one by one and at the end of the game one of them will be a winner, so ... I can hardly contain my excitement.

However, to get there, they have to suffer such indignities as propositioning their parents, seducing a freaky reality show diva, eating expired sushi left sitting in the hot sun for a couple hours and admitting to illicit drug use on national television.

And between the competitions and the confessionals, contestants and viewers alike will probably end up feeling a need to shower.

“The Gong Show with Dave Attell” airs at 9 p.m. and “Reality Bites” airs at 9:30 p.m. Thursdays on Comedy Central.