I'm sometimes at the mercy of my DVR

OK, so something got messed up and my DVR thought it was recording the returning season of “Supernatural” when it was actually recording “Nikita.” Yuk.

But that’s just life with my DVR, I think. For example, apparently there’s been this absolutely unacceptable, worthless piece of garbage, unwatchable nonsense airing Monday nights on NBC, but when I tune in I see I’ve recorded “The Cape.”

Now, I know it’s not “No Ordinary Family,” which is why I’m still watching it. Honestly, if talent like Michael Chiklis and Julie Benz are flailing around as helplessly as they are it means you’ve got some seriously poor writing. We’ve got mystical superpowers from a plane crash in a bioluminescent lake, but no, it’s not that, it’s a complete coincidence, because everyone in town is manifesting superpowers and everyone else is a destructive jerk and we’re the good guys, but we’re not really because we Keep Secrets and Want to be Loved and Want to be Independent and other huge character flaws like that. People get to live inside their own heads, ABC.

And when you’ve got a bunch of fan-bois complaining about a superhero show on NBC it means someone was watching “The Event” and you stole their birthday. Well guess what? I saw about half a dozen episodes of “The Event” and in that space of time it was already as hopelessly convoluted as the second season of “Dollhouse.” It was schlock, it was heading toward quantum-physics-will-destroy-the-world, it was terrible. I liked Sofia, of course, but everything else needed a huge rethink.

The other complaints are that it’s not “Heroes,” bring back “Heroes.” Screw “Heroes.” You heard me. Tim Kring had four seasons to build that thing up and every time you thought you could see where it was going, time paradox, clean slate, whatever. And there were polyglots, but they were polyglots with new rules imposed on them out of the blue and for no reason, like Peter could only glom onto one other person’s superpower at a time, or Sylar was manipulated into becoming Nathan, or locked inside his own head, etc.

"The Cape" is fine. It lacks some poise and it does gets stuck in its own mess. For instance, Vince Faraday is hiding out with the Carnival of Crime because if you are going to create a figure in masque a carnival is one of the few acceptable options available along the fringes of society. Also it opens a venue for characters to be magnificently different. This show hasn’t made any bigger deal out of it than it needed to. Yes, there’s been some icky coincidences, like the second Faraday becomes the Cape the old Cape breaks out of the unbreakable gulag half a world away and challenges him. Honestly, that guy was better with playing cards anyway.

But the very fact of the Cape isn’t enough to complain about. He’s assumed an alter ego to fight crime and protect his family. You can allow that much to be established. Yes a Carnival of Crime is going to pull the occasional caper he disapproves of, but the reason that works is most of the corporations they target are evil and corrupt anyway. Win-win.

But complaining about Summer Glau or the main character’s not heroic enough, feh. They did this correctly, by the way. The guy’s got a son, he cares about his son, the son appears occasionally but unlike “No Ordinary Family,” the fact that there’s a kid in the mix doesn’t lock this in as a kiddie show. Me, I think they’re doing just fine. I know I’m enjoying it, and that’s really all the complaining I need to hear from the Peanut Gallery.

"Archer"

I’m afraid that with my rehearsal schedule I’m not able to give everyone as reliable a heads up on our rapidly changing programming schedule as well as maybe I’d want to, so I missed a couple of things. I missed telling you all about the series premiere of “Perfect Couples” on NBC and the second season return of “Archer” on FX.

First, “Archer” is back on FX, and H. Jon Benjamin has parlayed his Coach McGuirk voice from “Home Movies” on Adult Swim into an exceptionally well-behaved secret agent in the title character this past week as well as the patriarch of a very goofy family in “Bob’s Burgers” on FOX. Despite Agent Archer’s desperately good behavior around the underaged and often nude seductress daughter of a megabillionaire that his boss and mother is trying to bed as a fundraising effort for the agency – well, you can probably tell the show is just as freakishly naughty as ever it has been and that’s why it carries the MA rating.

"Perfect Couples"

As for “Perfect Couples,” no. No, I didn’t think so. There’s this thing that happened immediately in the opening sequence where some schlub as part of a desperately elaborate proposal scenario looped a ring to an adorable puppy who instantly took an adorable poop on this adorable show while his idiot friend makes a screaming Kramer entrance with champange two seconds after his intended came through the door and there’s obviously been no chance to even ask her. She says yes although later we discover no, she was never really completely sure he was The One. She’s not even necessarily in love with him, she’s just married to him.

Later, at schlub and intended’s wedding her brother, drunk off his butt, proposes to the wedding planner he met oh, several minutes before, and he’s quoting Shakespeare, Oh, wedding planner says, Shakespeare never knew a love such as ours, my answer is YES! And idiot friend proposes to his redneck intended in the middle of a fight about how horrible they both are and their families are. The scene concludes when he drops the ring into her cleavage. It’s like someone watched “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” while very high and said “Yeah, tha’sh crap. I can top that.”

Their friends are horrified – schlub as to their being a couple, and Shakespeare as to schlub’s distaste. Well, he’ll show them – because really, that’s who matters in a relationship, right? Friends you don’t even live in the same city as – they had to fly in. My bet is that they hang around. Idiot friend stages a fight with redneck in front of schlub – they fight a lot so as to make up a lot, hahaha, what a volatile couple. What fire, what spark, what passion. This will totally work. He then proposes to her in a series of elaborately overwrought scenarios, while Shakespeare tries selling schlub a car while being reminded about how drunk his bride had to be to get through the ceremony and can you tell how enrapt I was with this schlock?

Not helping is the fact that idiot friend was in that piece of only tolerably acceptable summer tawdry beach affair “100 Questions” that barely got four episodes. He played Beautiful Tragically Broken and Sexually Cynical Male Central Character is Meant to End Up With but it didn’t get to go that far. Suffice it to say I don’t miss that show and wasn’t missing him, really, either. Someone thinks he’s funny. Y’all can have mine.

Syfy's "Being Human"

Also new was the series premiere of an American version of “Being Human” on Syfy. First off, it did actually still seem a little British, so I don’t understand the need for a remake. Americans and Brits have different attitudes and different sensibilities and different reactions to things, none of which seemed present in this otherwise perfectly charming remake. The only cultural update I noticed was a vague swipe at “Twilight” that seemed both unavoidable and annoying in equal measure.

That and given the fact Syfy’s actually got some sort of then-there-were-none make-up artistry contest going on right now I haven’t bothered to bother with, the effects are naff. Josh the werewolf has a bit too much control over his transformation which seems to progress in a strange sequence anyway. Just like in the BBC version the presence of a werewolf forces the action to leap about in otherwise unaccountable 28-day chunks so that Josh can be constantly troubled by this transformation. Seriously, Aiden is a vampire all the time. What am I meant to understand about his story arc if he’s time-traveling with Josh the whole time, telling his story in little disconnected 28-day snapshots, never mind flatmate -- oh, sorry, fellow tenant -- Sally’s constant sorrow over being a ghost. Boo.

It was a decent set of character studies (sort of) but it was a pilot episode and it had a lot to establish, like the existence of vampires and werewolves, some practical realities of their existence, the usual problems, too, like the fact that Sally can climb up on countertops and walk on floors but otherwise can’t interact with her environment. Weird. She should have to move around by force of will and mostly hang in the air if they’re going to do it like that. Annie in the UK version can move objects around. She otherwise dematerializes more or less at will. Sally hasn’t learned that trick yet.

Is it worth it? That so depends. If you like watching pretty 20-somethings facing problems most of us don’t you’ll love it. If you’re bothered by questions about how Aiden can be out in the sunlight you’ll find it irritating. Same with the UK version, the lore seems to be more of a suggested set of guidelines rather than anything, say, writers need to be aware of or pay any attention to.

Mean old meanie

Now I have been told of late that I have been unfairly critical of shows that, say, bend reality to their will. That I have so failed in my suspension of disbelief in railing against small, understandable and forgivable errors in writing, presentation or production I should turn in my critic’s license and perhaps this is the case.

In my defense, however, I’ll point out that there are thousands of hours of original programming each year and I imagine that while people investing any time at all in this blog or podcast are fans of television, that they are also busy people with otherwise full and exciting lives and therefore, to the extent that it is possible to learn much of anything about a show from watching the pilot episode or God forbid, listen to someone’s critique of same, to learn whether it’s worth their time or not, well, honestly, I can’t provide an especially good window on that – someone, after all, is getting something out of “White Collar” or it would be gone by now. But I can certainly share with you whether I think it’s a valuable use of my time to watch it based on whatever criteria I care to share about it and you’re all certainly capable of making up your own mind regarding that.

"Heavy"

That said, I have to send a muffin basket of apologies to the producers at A&E regarding their new series “Heavy,” which premiered a couple of weeks back. I still think it’s terrifically exploitative and there are scenes included in the final cut that border on gawkery but you cannot entirely fault the editors. The overall spirit of the show is compassionate. With a few brief notable exceptions here and there the trainers are outwardly supportive, if privately worried about their charges and I do think the medical consult has broken confidentiality a few times. Although I imagine the patients have to sign off on absolutely everything and for the most part, they do look a lot better at the end of the process so I can see where they would. I’ve been so concerned because I know as a heavy person myself that there are some walls to push through and some physical barriers to get past in order to start living a healthier life. That may be part of my fascination with this series which I wish was airing a little closer to April so I could be walking outside more often than I’m able to. But it’s better than I thought it would be and so far I’ve been happy for these people.

"Criminal Minds"

Finally, I’ve got to comment on the “Criminal Minds” installment from this past week, in which the writers clearly watched “Natural Born Killers” recently and thought maybe all the rest of us would forget about when, oh, the exact same thing happened on “NUMB3RS” and now on this piece of poorly researched nonsense – I’m allowed to critique the research when they misspell a placename like “Devils Lake, ND,” an actual place that exists where I lived for four years and which is on the Internet and everything.

CBS does seem to like its constant reminders of how dangerous and impulsive young people are and how actively obtuse we hicks from the sticks are. These people in shooting up convenience stores up and down Montana were just theatrically naughty, “Life’s cheap to that type” and as final justice was delivered in a bullet to the head, CBS all but showed the gunmen descending into hell.

Someday this network is going to have to answer for all of the divisive, exploitative violence it pumps into the nation’s psyche on a weekly basis, the divisions it highlights and the wedges it drives in the name of cheap thrills. Never mind where they set it, it’s cheap sensationalism and with the network’s tediously interchangeable lineup of meet-violence-with-violence scofflaw eviscerating street justice thuggery while grandpa and grandma wet themselves in vicarious “Yes! Get ‘im, Shemar Moore, that’ll teach ‘um!” ecstasy … I guess what I’m saying is there’s plenty of violence in this country without celebrating it.

Coming up

Coming up, well, like I said I’m probably going to be missing a few things here and there so my goal isn’t as comprehensive as maybe it’s been in the past. “Harry’s Law” has been going fine, “Bones” and “Fringe” are back from hiatus different nights, but that seems to be going well so far. “American Idol” has been super easy to miss so yay for that. I noticed that “Human Target” is airing on Monday on FOX at 8/7c, as well as Wednesday on FOX at 9/8c. Showtime émigré “The Tudors” continue to air on Wednesday nights beginning at 9/8c and new episodes of “Top Chef” return on Bravo that night at 10/9c.

Thursdays, well, I’ll watch one more episode of “Perfect Couples” to see if it gets any better post pilot and … well, either way I’ll let you know. Otherwise, “Parks and Recreation” has been a little over the top but that’s probably just my reaction to the addition of Rob Lowe to any production. I’ll tell you what that little gnome is holding up phenomenally, and surrounding himself with midwestern-looking types like you find on that show agrees with him. And no, practically everyone on “Parks and Recreation,” you are not allowed to take offense when that is the reason you were all cast in the first place. Just keep cashing that network money for being mildly amusing and glare some more.

Nice guest appearance by Ricky Gervais in the opening sequence of a recent “The Office,” by the way. I thought that was very sweet the way he didn’t smash a folding chair over Steve Carell’s head.

Also, over on ABC, we’ve got a fresh episode of “Grey’s Anatomy,” yay, new “Archer” on FX and new “Royal Pains” and “Fairly Legal” on USA, both productions still largely worth it, in my opinion, but yeah, Kate Reed in “Fairly Legal,” her inability to prioritize and make it to meetings, that’s already getting too old. Also, they’ve introduced the somewhat tired illegitimate heir storyline in this week’s episode, which would seem less overused if they hadn’t introduced like two or three such storylines in “Brothers and Sisters.” Meh, there’s worse things to be than derivative. I see they quickly tired of the ringtone bit, but otherwise I did enjoy the glimpse we got of Kate’s process this week. I’m still on board.

My DVR is taking another run at “Supernatural” on the CW this week, and I have high hopes, that’s Friday at 9/8c. Also, I haven’t really been paying attention but Gordon Ramsey is terrorizing new kitchens each week on “Kitchen Nightmares,” Fridays at 8/7c on FOX. A man is marrying a horse on a fresh installment of “The Onion News Network” on IFC right across from oh, great, a Sarah Silverman special “Jesus is Magic” on the Sundance Channel, both at 10/9c Friday. Have fun with that.

Saturday I’m showing “The Dark Knight” Batman sequel on TNT against the “Mamma Mia!” musical extravaganza on TBS. I can see some fights brewing over the remote as we speak so remember gents, Valentines Day is on the way, and anyway “The Dark Knight” kicks much more ass on Blu-Ray I have no doubt. And for you single losers like myself IFC is showing “Reservoir Dogs” back to back with “Requiem for a Dream,” which I’ve got to say probably sounded a lot more exciting before they started showing commercials.

And closing out Super Bowl XLV starting at 6/5c Sunday night on FOX is an episode of “Glee,” which is probably a little weird but oh well, that’s what they’re showing, and then they're premiering that "Chicago Code" thing next Monday night at 9/8c on FOX. Enjoy!