Ground Zero, N.D.

Monte Reiner


Remember the 1960’s when you had nuclear survival drills at school and you hid under your desk? This was a very scary time for young Americans as the threats from Kruschev showed up on our black and white televisions regularly.

Although time under the desk was spent flirting with girls and plotting with our buddies it was taken quite seriously.

Today, with unstable leaders in the USA and across the globe as well as untrue cyber communication, that could cause a miscalculation brings us into the current nuclear age. Just like two inches of snow in Washington, D.C., and New York grab the full attention of the media, most Americans believe New York and Los Angeles would be the top nuclear targets.

I am sorry to inform you that Minot AFB in North Dakota, Malmstrom AFB in Montana, and F. E. Warren AFB in Wyoming top the list. Our only choices are if we will be half baked or well done. While billions of dollars are spent in highly populated areas to guard against terror attacks we in Buffalo Commons depend on our wives to stay in shape and protect us with their rolling pins.

As the fiscally conservative friends of ours introduce an infrastructure bill next year to push the national debt to 25 trillion dollars we need to get our piece of the action to protect us from nuclear attack in comfortable bunkers stocked with steak and lobster and craft beer.

I bet most of you were not aware that Russia crafted the term “Why Not Minot.” Please help keep us secure and create jobs by authorizing these bunkers, and rest assured that North Dakotans are hearty eaters and binge drinkers which will create generous amounts of economic activity to easily erase the debt. Trust me.