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COMMENTS BY KIM: A boat ramp rant

No. I haven’t completely lost my mind over this. At least not yet. However, I did cleverly put “rant” in the headline of the valued opinion that follows so as to lure you, the coveted reader, into shamelessly delving into the content of this column. If you’ve read this far my ploy is working, so here goes.

I will profess at the outset that, in general, North Dakotans do a pretty darn good job of practicing proper etiquette at boat ramps. Maybe that’s the result of constant reminders by Game and Fish to be courteous when launching and loading boats. You know, prepare everything for launch away from the ramp and, when leaving the ramp, put everything away after loading your boat on the trailer. In other words, don’t make other people wait longer than necessary for you at the ramp.

Of course, there’s always a few people who are new to the launch and load game. Quite understandable. That’s where courtesy comes in. Make a friendly offer to help them. Even if they refuse, at least they’ll know you are understanding and are willing to be patient as they learn by doing.

Unfortunately, there’s always a few times each boating season when people at the ramp make a mess of things for everybody. Nobody’s perfect, but some folks are just plain awful at the ramp. Okay, this is where my rant starts. I’ll do my best to control myself.

Last week I was cut off by boaters in a hurry to get to the ramp before I did, even though I was well in front of them and had already slowed while approaching the dock. Yup, you guessed it, here comes the huge wake of a boat ripping past me fast enough to destroy the dock and come to a stop somewhere in the parking lot amidst the trailers and tow vehicles. Sometimes I wish my boat was equipped with torpedo tubes.

This happened too. I approached a dock only to find a boat tied up to it and blocking the ramp, a very busy ramp. The boater could have easily tied his boat up to the outside of the dock so others could still use the ramp. Nope. In this case the guy left his family in the boat while he went to get his tow vehicle. It was a double ramp. Five boats loaded, including mine, on the other lane of the ramp while this guy was still somewhere in the parking lot doing something. Don’t be that guy!

Here’s a few sights at boat ramps recently that I found rather enjoyable, even amusing. I watched a boat slide off a roller trailer while on a ramp with the winch strap still attached. The guy in the boat started the motor and was backing away while the winch handle was spinning wildly. Fortunately, the guy in the tow vehicle recognized the trouble before the strap was completely unwound.

The sinister part of me wanted to see what would have happened had the tow vehicle pulled away with the boat still hooked to the winch. I know, I’m awful! The reality is, the driver of the tow vehicle was on top of his game. He had the windows down and, I supposed, heard the winch spinning. If he had the windows up, air conditioner on and listening to the radio the outcome would have been much different.

Then there was this recent episode. A man is backing his trailer loaded with two jet skis down the ramp with two guys standing on the back of the trailer. The trailer became unhitched from the ball and tipped like a teeter-totter. Crunch! The two guys on the trailer somehow kept their balance and moved to the front of the trailer, which caused the tongue to nosedive into the ramp. Crunch!

The driver scrambled out of his tow vehicle and lifted the trailer back onto the ball hitch. Incredibly, he had no pin in the latch assembly to prevent the trailer from coming off the ball! How he even made it to the lake is a wonder to me. I hope he made it home without destroying those jet skis.

The last event I witnessed recently tested my patience at first, probably because I was the next one waiting in line to load my boat as dark approached. However, I got over that in a few minutes and enjoyed watching the circus act from my front row seat. This ramp fiasco involved three men and, I strongly suspect, about a dozen coolers of beer.

I watched as the guy backing the trailer down the ramp couldn’t keep it anywhere close to straight. He had that trailer sideways to the left, then to the right. On about the 15th try he finally had the trailer in the water at about a 45 degree angle with one wheel on the ramp and the other tilted into the lake bottom. The guy that was directing him hollered “good!” Huh?

It is getting darker. Now comes the guy driving the boat, which he somehow manages to get sideways in calm water. After backing up several times and trying to center the boat on the trailer, he finally jumps out in chest deep water which, I presumed, judging from his reaction, he thought was much shallower.

Guy number three pulls the winch strap out about 20 feet to hand to the boat driver who is still in the water. To grab the winch strap he releases his grip the side of the boat. The boat drifts farther away before he realizes what happened. Further into the lake he goes! Eventually the strap is fixed to the tow hook on the front of the boat and the process of winching the boat onto the trailer begins. Great entertainment!

Then, with one guy standing inside the trailer and cranking the winch, the guy in the tow vehicle begins to drive up the ramp. Danger! Danger! As I opened my door to jump out and try to save the guy from serious injury, he somehow managed to jump onto the trailer. Had he not been able to do so he most certainly would have been run over.

Others watching this craziness, recklessness, waved and hollered enough to get the guy driving the tow vehicle to stop while still on the ramp. A few minutes later our entertaining trio winched their boat onto the trailer and drove away. I hope they made it home without endangering anybody else. I also hope I never see that scenario repeated at a boat ramp ever again.

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